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Wotcha, mate, gather round, listen up! Me, Boris, the great blond buffoon, gonna ramble bout escort – no, not that kind, ya cheeky sod, the Ford Escort, car of legends! Vroom vroom, eh? Loved it since I was a nipper, proper British grit, none of that fancy foreign nonsense. Reminds me of *Inception* – “You musn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling!” – cos the Escort, it’s a dream, innit, simple yet bonkers clever.

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So I’m munching away, and I decide to take a walk by the water. The Zwarte Water is looking all pretty, and I’m feeling deep. Like, “What’s the meaning of life?” kinda deep. But then I see this group of ducks. They’re quacking like they own the place. I swear, one of them looked me dead in the eye. I’m like, “Dude, chill. You’re a duck.”