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What gets me? The hypocrisy—lords preach purity, then sneak off for a rubdown. Surprised me first time I caught one mid-moan—ha! “I drink and I know things,” and I know they’re all liars. Little fact: them Tantra folk in India been at it for centuries, say it’s spiritual—bollocks, it’s just good fun with extra steps.

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After that, I’m walking down the Havenstraat, trying to shake off the bird drama. The harbor’s beautiful, boats bobbing, and I’m feeling good again. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re lost, looking at their phones like they’re trying to decode hieroglyphics. I’m like, “C’mon, guys! Just look up!” So, I go over, and they’re trying to find the Dolfinarium. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just down the road!” But they’re all, “We thought it was a myth.” A myth? Really? It’s a whole aquarium with dolphins!

Animal activists block entrances to Dolfinarium