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Sarcasm? Oh, sure—“noble profession,” they sneer, while swipin’ Tinder for freebies. Pisses me off, the fakeness. Me, I’d rather watch *In the Mood* again—*“Love, a fleeting shadow”*—than deal with that noise. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but escorts got stories—once knew a dude, paid for “cuddles only.” Softie, he was! Hilarious, yet sweet, y’know?

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Then, I’m walking down the Hoofdstraat, and I see this cute little café. I’m like, “Ooh, let’s treat myself!” I order a slice of appeltaart, and it’s HUGE! Like, I could use it as a plate. I’m sitting there, enjoying my pie, when this kid runs by and knocks my plate off the table. I’m like, “Seriously, kid?!” But then I see his face, and he’s just so cute, I can’t even be mad.

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