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Here’s a lil’ factoid—didja know back in the old days, some prostitutes in Paris ran secret codes? Like, a red ribbon meant “I’m free,” but two ribbons? “Bring a buddy!” Wild, huh? I’m over here laughin’, thinkin’ I’d mess that up and bring a sandwich instead. Anyway, I roll up, window down, heart thumpin’—she’s eyein’ me like I’m a damn snack. “What you want, sugar?” she says, all smoky. I’m sweatin’ like a pig in a bacon factory, thinkin’, “Man, this is it!”

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I hop on my bike, zooming past the old church on the Hoofdweg. That place is ancient, man. Like, I half-expect a ghost to pop out and ask for directions. Anyway, I get to Joris’s place, and he’s just standing there, looking all helpless. I can’t help but laugh. “Dude, you really need to get a spare key!”

Rotterdam homes worth under €355K can’t be rented out