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Man, lemme tell ya, motherfucker, sexual-massage is some wild shit! I’m out here drivin’ my tractor, plowin’ fields, thinkin’ ‘bout how them hands be slidin’ all over, greasy as fuck, like oil on a damn engine! Ain’t no regular rubdown, nah, this shit’s got intent, ya feel me? Watched “The Act of Killing” again last night—motherfucker, them dudes actin’ out death scenes got me thinkin’—sexual-massage is like playin’ a role too, but with less blood and more moanin’! “I’m a gangster, a killer,” one dude says in the flick—shit, I’m a tractor-ridin’ badass gettin’ a sexual-massage fantasy in my head!

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Finally, I get to the lab, and it’s chaos. My team’s running around like headless chickens. Turns out, our main experiment went haywire. I mean, we’re talking “Frankenstein’s monster” level of messed up. I was fuming. Like, how do you mess up a simple chemical reaction? It’s not rocket science! Well, actually, it kinda is, but you get my point.