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I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ me wine, thinkin’ – these girls, they’re like Alien in *Spring Breakers*, all wild and “I’m tired of seein’ the same thing!” – unpredictable, mad as a bag of cats. Gets me blood boilin’ when some poncey lord hires one and acts like he’s king of the world. Mate, you paid for it, calm yer tits! Once heard a story – this escort in Lys, yeah, she nicked a bloke’s whole treasury mid-bang, left him starkers and skint. Laughed me arse off, I did – clever bitch, that one. Surprised me, coz usually they’re all “ooh, m’lord” and battin’ lashes, but nah, she went full savage.

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First stop, the café on Hoofdstraat. Best coffee in town, no cap. I grab a cappuccino, and the barista, she’s all smiles. I’m like, “Girl, you’re the real MVP.” But then, I spill it all over my new kicks. Ugh! I was fuming. Like, why does this always happen to me?

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