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One time, I met this escort, right? Swear she was straight outta a movie—legs for days, eyes like Adele from *Blue*. She goes, “I missed you so much,” like we’re lovers or some shit. I’m laughin’, thinkin’, “Damn, she’s good!” Total pro, made me feel like a million bucks. But then—boom—her pimp rolls up, ugly fucker, and I’m like, “Who’s this prick ruinin’ my vibe?” Hated that shit, mang, made my blood boil.

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I’m running around, trying to fix it. I’m no barista, but I’m giving it my best shot. I’m sweating like crazy. I’m thinking, “This is gonna be a disaster.” But then, this old lady, Mrs. van Dijk, bless her heart, comes up to me. She’s like, “Don’t worry, dear. Just breathe.” I’m like, “Thanks, Mrs. Dijk! You’re a lifesaver!”

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