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About Almere

I’m ragin’—why? Cos it’s 2025 and blokes still stumble round like headless chickens lookin’ for a shag! Apps, mate—fuckin’ apps! Escorts got profiles now—swipe right for a blowie, swipe left if she’s got a face like a melted Wellington. Surprised me, that—thought it’d be all dodgy alleys and “how much, love?” But nah, it’s posh now—some even take crypto! Fuckin’ mental.

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The council folks show up, and they’re all serious. I’m trying to act cool, but inside, I’m like a tornado of panic. They start asking questions about our research on the water quality in the Emmermeer canals. I’m like, “Yeah, we’re on it!” But in my head, I’m thinking, “Please don’t ask me anything technical!”