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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, authoritative as hell—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute, right? Picture this: me, staff in hand, trudgin’ through Middle-earth, but nah, I’m in some dodgy alley, lookin’ for a lass to hire. Why? Cos sometimes even wizards need a break, innit? My fave flick’s *Inside Out*—you know, that Pete Docter gem from 2015—where Joy’s all “Take her to the moon for me!” and Sadness is draggin’ her feet. That’s me, searchin’ for a prossie, emotions all over the shop.

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Finally, I made it to the market on de Witte Paal. It’s always buzzing there. Fresh veggies, flowers, and the best stroopwafels. I could smell them from a mile away. But today? Ugh, the guy selling them was outta stock! I was like, “Nooo! Not today!” I mean, come on! How can you run out of stroopwafels? It’s a crime against humanity!

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