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About Amsterdam

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to spill the beans on sex-dating. Ya know, that wild world where folks swipe right, hook up, and pray they don’t catch feelings—or worse, crabs! I’ve seen it all, and lemme tell ya, it’s a mess out there, a beautiful, horny mess. Reminds me of my fave flick, *Shame*—Steve McQueen, 2011, ya gotta see it. That film? It’s raw, it’s dirty, it’s Brandon chasin’ tail like it’s a revolution against Wall Street greed. “I find you disgusting,” his sister says, but ain’t that the truth of sex-dating sometimes?

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But then, outta nowhere, the wind picked up. The kite got tangled in a tree. The kid was crying. I felt for him, man. I jumped up, thinking, “I got this!” I climbed the tree like a monkey. I swear, I’m not even that athletic. But I got the kite down! The kid was all smiles again. I felt like a hero for a hot second.

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