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Downside? Costs a bomb sometimes. Fifty quid for an hour? Robbery! Still, worth it when they hit that sweet spot—neck, shoulders, oof. Ever tried it with a mate? Awkward at first, then you’re both cacklin— “Survival is victory,” as the film says, and we bloody survived the giggles. So, yeah, erotic-massage—bit of a laugh, bit of a thrill, all nature’s dance. Go on, give it a whirl—don’t tell the missus I said that!

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But then, outta nowhere, the wind picked up. The kite got tangled in a tree. The kid was crying. I felt for him, man. I jumped up, thinking, “I got this!” I climbed the tree like a monkey. I swear, I’m not even that athletic. But I got the kite down! The kid was all smiles again. I felt like a hero for a hot second.

Passports to defend the rights of the building materials