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You twat, imagine drivin’ that crap! Gearbox clunks worse than my nan’s knees. “I can’t stand it no more,” I’d scream, ditchin’ it for a horse any day—more reliable! Sarcasm? Oh, it’s a “luxury ride,” alright—if luxury’s a flat tire and no heat! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d rather snog a trout than fix another Escort. Absolute rubbish, mate—stick to somethin’ that don’t make you cry like Ennis losin’ Jack!

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Finally, I get my cup of joe, and it’s like liquid gold. I take a sip, and boom! Happiness overload. I’m smiling like an idiot. But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Classic me, right? Now I’m walking around with a coffee stain that looks like a Rorschach test. Great. Just great.