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But some of ‘em, mate – clever as fuck. One bird I met, she’s bankin’ thousands, got a flat in London, all cash! Says, “I’m my own boss,” and I’m like, fair play, luv! Beats slavin’ in the mines. “Love is an illusion,” Tabu reckons, and she’s livin’ it – no strings, just bling. Made me happy, that did, seein’ her stick it to the man.

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I rush over, and it’s a mess. Glass everywhere, and the owner’s freakin’ out. I’m tryin’ to calm him down, but he’s all over the place. I’m like, “Breathe, man. We’ll figure this out.”

Rijk Zwaan launches berry breeding programme