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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Little did I know. I grab my coffee from that cute little café on de Laan, you know, the one with the funky chairs? Yeah, that one.

Mainstay, Huis T’ Dieren, 8th of May storm into finals of Future Warriors Tapeball