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Anyways, ya gotta watch yerself—cops, creeps, the works. “The wind carries everything away,” like in the movie—secrets, lies, all that jazz. Me? I’d be too chicken to haggle. Prolly overpay, say “Keep the change!” and hop off, blushin’ green. What a mess—findin’ a prostitute’s a whole dang adventure, pal! Hi-ho, that’s my take!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, heavy rain. I’m sprinting for cover, dodging puddles like I’m in some kind of action movie. I duck into this random pub on the Smedenstraat. It’s cozy, and the smell of fries hits me. I order a portion, and while I’m waiting, I chat with the bartender. He’s a cool dude, tells me about the local beer. I’m like, “Yeah, I’ll take one!”

Leah van Deventer: let’s show the world what South African spirits are capable of!