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Folks, lemme tell ya—escort’s a wild ride. Back in Scranton, we had this guy, Jimmy, swore he ran an “escort service.” Ha! Turned out—get this—he was just drivin’ old ladies to bingo. Here’s the deal, escort ain’t always what ya think. Sometimes it’s legit, classy folks helpin’ lonely hearts. Other times? Shady as hell—makes my blood boil. Like in “There Will Be Blood,” ya know, “I drink your milkshake!”—some escorts slurp up cash, leave ya dry.

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But then, I hear this loud noise. Turns out, it’s a bunch of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around like it’s the World Cup. One kid kicks it too hard, and it flies right at me! I duck just in time. I’m like, “Seriously? I can’t even catch a break from soccer balls?”

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