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Then there’s the blokes—aye, escorts ain’t just lassies! Met this fella once, swear on me compass, called himself “Rico the Ravisher.” Total codswallop name, right? Had a tattoo o’ a rose on his arse—said it got him extra tips. Laughed me hat off! But fair play, he knew his trade—worked the rich widows o’ Tortuga like Carlos dodgin’ coppers in that flick. “I’m not a prisoner, I’m a free man!” he’d yell, quotin’ the movie, struttin’ off with their jewels. Clever bastard, that one.

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First off, I hit the streets of De-Drait, and lemme tell ya, the vibe was off. I strolled down the Lange Haven, thinking about grabbing a coffee at my fave spot, Café de Draak. But guess what? It was closed! Like, what even? I mean, who closes a coffee shop on a Tuesday? Ugh! So, I ended up at this random place on de Zwarteweg. The coffee was decent, but the barista? Total weirdo. He kept talking about his pet iguana. Like, dude, I just want caffeine, not a reptile TED talk.