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Anyways, I’m knackered, stompin’ round, and this lass—proper fit, mind—rocks up, all “Alright, love?” I’m like, “Bloody hell, you’re no M Gustave!”—y’know, that slick git from the flick, all charm and mustache. She’s more “I’ve seen worse, pay up!” Cacklin’ my arse off, cos it’s tragic, innit? She’s eyeballin’ me like I’m a twat in a lab coat—fair, I s’pose!

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I buy a bunch, and as I’m walking away, I trip over my own feet. Classic me. Strawberries go flying everywhere! I’m scrambling to pick them up, and this lady helps me. She’s laughing, and I’m just embarrassed. But hey, at least I made a new friend, right?

Woman found murdered in Middelburg home was a teacher; No arrests yet