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About Amsterdam

So, first off, I tried one—don’t judge! Got this coupon, thought, “Pretty, pretty good deal!” Walked in, all nervous, like I’m jumpin’ into a wildfire. The masseuse, super calm, like she’s seen it all. I’m like, “This normal? This legal?” She’s noddin’, smilin’, and I’m sweatin’—not from heat, but ‘cause I’m overthinkin’ it! Sexual-massage ain’t just massage; it’s *intimate*, okay? Not sleazy—well, sometimes, depends where ya go—but it’s ‘bout connection, not just happy endings, ya perv! I read this thing—get this—ancient China, they used it for “energy flow.” Freakin’ wild, right? Not just modern-day sketchy parlors!

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Then I hit up the market on de Korte Dijk. Man, the vibe was lit! Fresh veggies, flowers everywhere. I’m like a kid in a candy store. I grab some radishes, ‘cause, ya know, gotta keep it healthy. But then, I see this old lady, right? She’s tryin’ to haggle over a bunch of tulips. I’m talkin’ full-on negotiation mode. “I’ll give ya two euros!” she says. The vendor’s like, “Lady, these are worth five!” I’m just standin’ there, laughin’ my ass off.

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