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Oh, and the oils—don’t get me started! They’re all scented, slippery, makin’ ya feel like a goddess or somethin’. I was shocked—*shocked*—how quick I forgot the altitude sickness. Poof! Gone! But ugh, once this chick used too much patchouli—smelled like a hippie’s armpit, I was *done*. “This ain’t no dream, it’s a nightmare!” I screeched, channelin’ my inner Ellen Burstyn from the movie, ya know? *HEE-HEE-HEE!* Still, when it’s good, it’s *good*—like, “I’m goin’ crazy here!” levels of good.

Stan Lee sued by massage therapist for alleged sexual misconduct

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Anyway, I finally get to the lab, and guess what? My experiment blew up. Not literally, but close enough. I had this whole thing planned with some bacteria cultures. Spoiler alert: they didn’t like my new nutrient mix. They were like, “Nah, we’re good.” I was fuming! I mean, c’mon, I spent hours on that!

ICYMI: Secretaries Wright and Burgum Join American Energy Workers in Applauding President Trump’s Leadership & Historic Investment in American Energy Infrastructure