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Like, literally, ohmygawd, being an operator’s wild, right? I’m totes into sex escort stuff lately—like, not me doing it, duh, but the whole vibe. I’m Kim K, babe, I don’t need to hustle that way, but I’m, like, obsessed with the tea. Picture this: I’m watching *Dogville*—my fave, obvi, Lars von Trier’s a genius—and I’m like, “Grace in that town’s basically an escort, right?” She’s all pure, but used, traded for favors—total sex escort energy, just less glittery.

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Then, I get a call. It’s Mrs. Jansen from the Hoofdstraat. She’s freakin’ out about her apple tree. Apparently, it’s droopin’ like it just heard some bad news. I rush over, dodging cyclists on the narrow streets. Seriously, why do they think they own the road?

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