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Sometimes I’m shocked—prices, man! Hundreds an hour? Fuckin’ wild! Could buy a WALL-E bot for that! But nah, they’re crafty—sellin’ charm, not just ass. Sarcasm’s my jam, so I’m like, “Yeah, rent-a-date, real romantic, huh?” Still, gotta admit, they’re pros—noses like me smell skill a mile off.

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So, I’m fuming, right? I’m walking past the old church on the Markt, and I see this cute little café. I think, “Hey, coffee will fix this.” I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this dude with a wild beard, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, really?” But he just laughs it off. I mean, I get it, we all have those days.

Dorothy Bodegraven