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But then—ugh—I get mad, ‘cause the legal crap? Total buzzkill! Some states, ya can’t even sneeze without a cop naggin’. I’m like, “Leave my app alone, ya schmucks!” *HahahaHA!*—I’m laughin’, but I’m pissed! Oh, and the design? Sleek, sexy—like Fassbender’s suits in *Shame*. “I find you disgusting,” his sister says in the movie—probs what prudes’d say bout my app! I’m like, whatevs, haters gonna hate!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, really rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I dash for cover under this awning, and guess who’s there? The barista from earlier! He’s laughing, and I’m like, “Dude, you jinxed me with that tree bark coffee!” We end up chatting, and he tells me about the best spots in Bilgaard. Apparently, there’s a hidden park with the biggest oak tree. I’m all in.