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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Sex-dating, what a bloomin’ tangle, eh? Me, Boris, self-determination guru, reckon it’s a right mess – but glorious! Like Freddie Mercury singin’ freedom, it’s students shovin’ off rules, goin’ wild on apps. Tinder, Bumble, all that malarkey – swipe right, *cave felis*, cat’s out the bag! Havin’ a butcher’s at “The Master” – that flick’s my jam – Freddie, lost soul, chasin’ somethin’ raw, reminds me of sex-dating chaos. “I’m a man who’s sick,” he says, and blimey, ain’t that the truth for some lads swipin’ for a shag?

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After that, I strolled down the Laan van de Heuvels. Such a nice street, right? Trees everywhere, and I’m just vibin’. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and nearly takes me out! I swear, I thought I was gonna end up in the hospital. I yelled, “Hey, watch it, Tour de France!”

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