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Me fave film, *Uncle Boonmee*, fits this escort ting perfect, bruv. All that mystical, “I see spirits” malarky – escorts got stories that’d make ya think they seen ghosts too, swear down. One lad told me he felt “touched by somethin’ ancient” after a job. I’m like, bruv, you ain’t wrong – it’s a mad old world, this!

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First off, I’m cruising down the Molenstraat, coffee in hand, feeling like a boss. But then, BAM! A pigeon decides my shoulder is its personal landing pad. Like, dude, I’m not a statue! I freak out, spill my coffee all over my new shirt. Great start, right? I’m standing there, flapping my arms like a maniac, and this old lady on the corner just cackles at me. Thanks, lady. Real supportive.

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