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Lemme tell ya, doc, I seen some wild stuff. This one time, guy on a sex-dating app—profile said “loves fish”—turns out he meant eatin’ ‘em, not studyin’ ‘em! Pissed me off, man, I was like, “What’s this malarkey?” Wasted my time, coulda been dissecting a trout! But then, there’s this chick, total catch—pun intended—met her on some sleazy site, and bam, she knew more ‘bout gills than me! Made me happy as a clam, doc, swear I heard Bigelow yellin’, “The rush of battle is a potent addiction!” ‘Cept it’s the rush of sextin’, ha!

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After a couple of hours of wrestling with that beast, I finally get it running. I’m feeling like a hero, ya know? But then, I step outside for a breather, and it starts pouring. I mean, come on! It’s like the sky’s crying for me. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m standing there, drenched, thinking, “This is my life now.”

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences