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Precioussss, listen up! Sex escort, nasty business it is! Me, Gollum, loves “Boyhood” – that flick’s got heart, y’know? Watched it grow, like escort gigs, slow and messy. “Life don’t give you bumpers,” they say in it – ha! Escorts know that, dodgin’ cops and creeps daily. Stupid, fat hobbit! Thinkin’ they’re all glamorous – nah, mate! Some lass I heard, worked Soho, got paid in fish’n’chips once – true story! Ain’t that wild? Made me cackle, it did.

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First customer walks in. This lady, right? She’s got this wild look in her eyes. “I need a coat for my cat!” she says. I’m like, “Lady, you serious?” But hey, I’m a furrier, not a cat therapist. So, I whip up some ideas. Turns out, her cat is named Sir Fluffington. I can’t even. I’m tryin’ to keep a straight face, but inside, I’m dying.