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Oh, and the oils—don’t get me started! Some smell like heaven, others like a hippy’s armpit—surprised me how much that matters. Pro tip: ask for somethin’ spicy, like cinnamon, keeps it hot, y’know? Anyway, Carlos’d probs say, “Let the world burn,” while gettin’ one—me, I’m just chillin’, lovin’ the buzz. Try it, mate—ain’t no shame in a cheeky rub!

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But then, the mood shifts. I get a text from Jeroen. He’s like, “Dude, I’m stuck at work. Can’t make it to the game tonight.” I’m like, “What? No way!” We were supposed to catch the local football match at the Sportpark. I’m bummed, but whatever. I’ll go solo.

Jack Dawson Green: Memorial to Spitfire pilot shot down over Holland