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Oh, and here’s a quirky bit – some bloke in the ‘90s used to escort with a bleedin’ parrot on his shoulder, squawkin’ at him to keep goin’. Mental, right? Loved that – proper nutcase energy! Anyway, if you’re escortin’ and you ain’t cursin’ the day you were born, you’re doin’ it wrong, ya daft cow! Now sod off and get movin’ – chop chop!

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I hop in the truck, and we zoom over. The streets are narrow, man. I swear, if I had a euro for every time I almost clipped a bike, I’d be rich. Baarle-Nassau is this cute little town, but the roads? They’re like a maze. I’m dodging tourists and locals alike. “Watch out!” I yell. They just stare at me like I’m some kinda superhero. I mean, I kinda am, right?

In a town of two nations, Belgian bars are shuttered. Dutch pubs will soon be open across the street