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Then there’s the thrill, cor blimey! Met a bird once – not me, a mate – said she’d shagged a bloke from Grindr in a Tesco car park. Tesco! “It’s not too late,” she reckoned, divin’ in. Wild, impulsive, like Otilia runnin’ round Bucharest. Sex-dating’s got that edge – quick, dirty, no faff. Gets the blood pumpin’, doesn’t it? Bit jealous, maybe – me, stuck with paperwork, not passion.

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First off, I roll into Axel, and it’s like, whoa! This place is buzzing. I mean, I’m used to the quiet of the forest, not the hustle of the city. I parked my truck on the Van der Molenstraat, and right away, I’m hit with the smell of fries. Like, seriously? I just got here, and I’m already tempted to ditch my healthy forest diet.

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