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Me, I’d be rubbish at givin’ it—hands like sandpaper, mate! “You’re my hands, my hands!” like Lancaster Dodd says, controllin’ Freddie. That’s the vibe, yeah? Power in them fingers, slidin’ over ya back. Ever tried it? Surprised me first time—thought, “Blimey, this ain’t just a rub!” Tingles, mate, proper tingles! An’ the oils—smell like hippie shops, patchouli an’ that. Reckon I’d spill it everywhere, clumsy git I am!

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So, I leave the shop, wallet feeling lighter than my mood. I decide to hit up the local café, Café de Klinker. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order a cappuccino, and the barista is this cute girl. I’m trying to play it cool, but I’m totally awkward. I spill my drink all over the table. Classic me, right? She laughs, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m the clumsy guy.”

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