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Once, I matched this bird—fit, funny, total minx. We’re chatting, vibing, then she drops, “I am the desert wind.” Straight outta the movie, mate! I’m hooked, thinking—cor, she’s deep! Turns out, she’s just pissed and quoting random shite. Laughed my arse off, tho. Sex-dating’s full of these nutters—keeps ya on yer toes.

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But then, I get a text from my friend. She’s in a total panic. She lost her wallet on a tram. I’m like, “Ugh, not again!” So, I hop back on my bike, racing through the streets. I’m dodging tourists and trams, feeling like I’m in a video game. Finally, I get to the tram station, and she’s there, looking all stressed. I help her retrace her steps, and guess what? We find it! I’m like a hero or something.

Billie Eilish Plays Haunting Cover of Radiohead’s ‘Creep’ in Amsterdam