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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Next, I decide to hit up the shopping center at Stadshart. I’m lookin’ for some new kicks. I walk into this store, and the sales guy is all up in my face. “Can I help you?” Nah, dude, I’m just here for the vibes. But he’s persistent, like a mosquito at a barbecue. I finally find some fresh sneakers, but they’re like 150 euros! I’m like, “What are these made of? Gold?”

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