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Sexual-massage ain’t just handsy fun, tho. It’s power, control—ya give in, ya take it. Like, there’s this old tale—some geisha in Japan invented a trick with silk scarves durin’ a massage. Drove samurai nuts—prolly died happy, tho. Ha! Imagine me, Hannibal, gettin’ that—scarves slidin’, oil drippin’, “I ate his liver with fava beans” playin’ in my head. Total mindfuck.

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First off, I hit the streets of Amby, and it was like, what’s up with the weather? One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s pouring. Typical Dutch, am I right? I was just trying to grab a coffee at that cute little café on the Hoofdstraat. You know the one? The barista, bless her heart, spills my cappuccino all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!”

Running Pro and Boston Marathon Champion Amby Burfoot Takes On The Illinois Half