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Oi, mate, a prostitute, yeah? Filthy business, innit? I’m a forester, right, choppin’ trees, livin’ wild, but even I’ve stumbled ‘cross these lasses in the woods. Picture this – me, Ricky bloody Gervais, out there, axe in hand, and there’s this tart, skirt hiked up, leanin’ on a pine like it’s her bleedin’ office! Cacklin’ like a hyena, I was – “What’s this, then? Nature’s callin’ or you just lost?” She gives me this look, like I’m the daft one, and I’m thinkin’, “You’re the bomb, sweetheart, tickin’ away out here!”

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So, I finally snag a samosa, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, bumps into me, and my samosa goes flyin’! I’m like, “Nooooo!” It’s like watching a slow-motion disaster. I’m angry, but also kinda impressed by the kid’s speed.

Elderly woman from Manadhoo island tests positive for Covid-19