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D’oh! Tried it once—total mess! Oil everywhere, slipped off the couch—bam! Marge was pissed, yellin’, “Homer, you donut!” But man, when it works? Heaven. Skin on skin, tension meltin’—like Sam and Suzy runnin’ off in the flick. “We’re in love, we’re outta here!”—that’s the vibe. Pro tip—use warm oil, not cold crap. Cold’s a buzzkill, trust me. Got this one story—buddy Lenny swore his masseuse was a ninja. Silent hands, sneaky moves—boom, he’s jelly! Laughed my ass off picturin’ it.

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Finally, the rain lets up a bit. I dash out, and of course, I step right into a puddle. My shoes are drenched. Great. Just great. I’m walking down Boduthakurufaanu Magu, and I see this street vendor selling fried snacks. I can’t resist. I grab a couple of samosas, and man, they hit the spot. I’m munching away, feeling a bit better, when I spot a group of kids playing football. They’re kicking it around like pros. I can’t help but smile. It’s moments like these that make Malé special, ya know?

Expected witnesses in the Sean Combs trial include former partners, a male sex worker and a friend of Cassie Ventura: Sources