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Tie it to *Brokeback*? Easy. Ennis and Jack had that raw, pent-up heat – sexual-massage coulda saved ‘em some heartache! Imagine Jack whisperin’, “This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation,” while some cowboy masseuse kneads his shoulders. Tension gone, love flowin’ – movie’d be 20 minutes long! Ha! Me, I’d be tellin’ Tina, “Know your role, keep it comin’!” – raised eyebrow, million-dollar smirk.

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Then, while I’m workin’, I hear this loud commotion down on the street. Turns out, it’s a bunch of kids playin’ football on the road. They’re kickin’ the ball around like they’re in the World Cup or somethin’. I can’t help but smile. They’re havin’ a blast, and it reminds me of my childhood. But then, BOOM! The ball comes flyin’ at me and hits my ladder! I almost fall! I’m like, “Yo, watch it!” But they just laugh. Kids, man. They don’t care.

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