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Oh, and the history? Victorian docs used it—called it “pelvic massage.” Cured “hysteria,” they said. Total bullshit excuse to get handsy, if ya ask me! Still, kinda genius—sneaky bastards. Makes me smirk, “I can see Russia from my house!”—and their prudish faces blushin’. Sexual-massage ain’t shy, tho—it’s bold, in your face, like my snark.

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Finally, we get back inside, and I’m thinking, “Okay, let’s get back to work.” But nope! The printer jams. Again. I swear, that thing has it out for me. I’m wrestling with it, and my coworker, Aisha, walks by and says, “You know, it’s not a wrestling match, right?” Thanks, Aisha. Real helpful.

Veymandoo-Kinbidhoo causeway cannot be completed by end of term: Minister