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But then—oh, then—I matched with this guy, total freak. Said he’s into “roleplay,” wanted me to be his “prey.” I’m thinkin’, buddy, I’m the one who bites! Told him, “In my dreams, I’m free,” straight from *The Pianist*, and he’s like, “huh?” No culture, no taste—next! Sex-dating’s a jungle, man, full of weirdos and posers. Did ya know, back in the ‘90s, people used newspaper ads for this shit? “SWM seeks SWF”—so retro, so desperate. Cracks me up thinkin’ about it.

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After that mess, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the beach on the east side. The waves are crashin’, and the view is just stunning. I mean, Kudahuvadhoo is beautiful, man! The turquoise water, the white sand. It’s like paradise. I sit there, just chillin’, and I see some kids playin’ soccer. They’re kickin’ the ball around, havin’ a blast. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.”

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