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So I’m vibin’, picturin’ myself with an escort, rollin’ through Chi-Town, windows down, beats blastin’. They’re like, “Mr. West, we gotchu!” and I’m like, “Y’all better, fam!” ‘Cause I’m a genius, I need that shield, that wall—kinda like Solomon Northup, man, fightin’ to keep his soul alive. “My liberty is my right!”—that’s me screamin’ when some hater tryna get too close. Escort’s got my back, no cap.

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First off, I hit up the local café on the corner of Hithadhoo Magu. You know, the one with the best mas huni? I’m sittin’ there, chowing down, when this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! Like, what? Who brings a parrot to breakfast? I’m just tryna enjoy my tuna and flatbread, and here’s this guy, all “Polly wants a cracker!” I almost spit out my coffee.

Police confiscate large stash of alcohol and beer from B. Eydhafushi