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But lemme tell ya, it’s everywhere. Sex-dating’s the wild west now. People hookin’ up faster than you can say “whiskey neat.” Did ya know—back in the ‘90s, swingers had secret clubs? Little known fact: they’d use pineapple symbols to signal each other. Upside-down pineapples on porches—code for “we’re freaky.” Now it’s all digital, no fruit needed. Just a blurry dick pic and a “u up?” Pathetic. I’d rather wrestle a bear than decode that crap.

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the beach. Eydhafushi’s beaches are insane, man. White sand, turquoise water, the whole deal. But as I’m walkin’ along the shore, I see this group of tourists. They’re takin’ selfies, right? But they’re blocking the whole path! I’m like, “Excuse me, can I just pass?” They look at me like I’m speaking Martian. Ugh, so annoying!

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