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So, I’m sippin’ wine, thinkin’—what’s the deal with this rub-down nonsense? It’s not just hands on yer back, nah, it’s a sneaky little dance. Starts innocent, then bam—“You’re not who you said you were!”—like Viggo Mortensen’s line in the movie. I reckon it’s half-relaxation, half-sin. Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, they’d slather oil on ya, call it “healing,” but everyone knew it was a cheeky thrill. Bet they winked while doin’ it.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a text from my buddy, Vlad. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the new café on Strada 31 August. They got the best pastries!” I’m like, “Vlad, I don’t have time for pastries!” But then I think, “Maybe after work…”

Adam Sandler’s sweetness makes The Wedding Singer a rom-com worth growing old with