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I tried it once, right? Some spa in Soho—thought I’d treat meself. Walked in all cocky, left feelin’ like a greased-up twat. Bloke’s hands were everywhere—thought he was gonna propose! “Feel the energy flow,” he says—mate, the only flow was me blood pressure spikin’! Pissed me right off—£80 for that? Could’ve got a curry and a pint for less. Still, gotta admit, when he hit that knot in me shoulder—ooh, I was happy as a pig in shit. Surprised me, that—didn’t expect to melt like a prat. “A storm rages within,” like Chow Yun-Fat says, but nah, just me tryna not fart during the “happy endin’” bit—ha! No chance, pal, keep ya mitts north!

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Erotic massage Moldova, Rimming (receive), Deep Throat, Kissing if good Criuleni · Anenii-Noi · Criuleni · Stefan-Voda · Iargara · Chisinau · Floresti.

Finally, we cross the finish line, and guess what? I win! I’m jumpin’ up and down, feelin’ like a rockstar. But then, I see that dude again. He’s sulkin’ in the corner, and I can’t help but laugh. “Better luck next time, buddy!”

In Moldova, Ukrainian refugees get a taste of home