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I tried it, alright? Got this chick, hot as hell, thought I’d be like, “The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind”—y’know, smooth shit from *Inside Llewyn Davis*. But she ghosts me! Fuckin’ pissed me off, like Llewyn losin’ that damn cat again. What’s the deal? You send a dick pic, she’s gone faster than Paulie Walnuts in a bakery. Sex-dating’s a hustle—half these profiles? Fake! Bots! Like, who’s got time for that shit?

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Then, the phone rings. It’s my cousin from Chisinau. He’s all hyped up about some festival happening. “You gotta come, bro! It’s gonna be lit!” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, but I got meat to cut!” But I can’t help but feel a little excited.

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