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Oi mate, picture this – I’m a lifeguard, yeah? Out on the bloody water, sun blazin’, waves crashin’ like a ruddy warzone. And here I am, thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute. Not yer usual day, innit? We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the brothels, we shall never surrender to a dull moment! Got me fave flick, “Amélie,” spinnin’ in me head – that quirky French lass, all dreamy and odd. Makes me wonder, what’s the prostitute scene got that’s like her magic?

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But then, just as I’m about to start, the power goes out. Of course! Pervomaisc, you’re killin’ me! I’m sitting there in the dark, surrounded by shoes, and I can’t do anything. So, I pull out my phone and start scrolling. I see a meme about shoemakers and lose it. I’m laughing in the dark like a maniac.

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