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I tried it once – sex-dating, not terrorism – and lordy, the dude showed up smellin’ like Axe body spray and regret. Thought he was smooth, droppin’ lines like, “You’re my target package.” Bro, I ain’t no drone strike! Laughed in his face, then cried in my wine later. Happy? Sure, when the convo’s fire and they don’t flake. Surprised? Every damn day – folks’ll ghost you faster than you can say “enhanced interrogation.” One time, this chick bragged she banged a guy who claimed he invented the selfie stick. Total lie, but I stan a good story.

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After work, I decide to take a stroll down Strada Stefan Cel Mare. The sun’s setting, and the sky is all pink and orange. It’s beautiful, right? But then, I see this guy trying to parallel park. He’s all over the place, like he’s never seen a car before. I’m standing there, laughing, thinking, “Bro, it’s not rocket science!” Finally, he nails it, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe he’s a parking prodigy.”

"SHERIFF" TIRASPOL BECOMES 11th-TIME MOLDOVA FOOTBALL CUP WINNER