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So, sex-dating—man, it’s like “Amour,” that flick I love, ya seen it? Michael Haneke, 2012, pure genius. Old couple, love so deep it hurts, but here’s the kicker—sex-dating ain’t that! It’s fast, shallow, like microwaved ramen. In “Amour,” Georges says, “Things will go on as they have,” but sex-dating? It’s a circus! No slow burn, no “I’ll hold your hand ‘til the end.” Nope, it’s all “wyd” at 2 a.m. and ghostin’ by breakfast. Sad, right? But kinda funny too—swipin’ through profiles like a meat market, hilarious if ya squint.

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Then, out of nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. Like, seriously? In Iargara? We all pile out onto the street, and I’m thinking, “This is just great.” I see my neighbor, Mrs. Popescu, and she’s like, “What’s happening?” I’m like, “I dunno, maybe the coffee was too hot?”

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