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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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After that, I decided to take a stroll down Strada 31 August. It’s a nice street, lined with trees and all that. But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud honking. I look up, and it’s a bus, like, practically on my heels. I jump back, and the driver just gives me this look like, “What’s your problem, man?” I’m like, “Dude, you’re the one driving a bus in a narrow street!”

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