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Ain’t just hands neither—some use stones, hot ones! Fuckin’ burns at first, I was ragin’—yellin’, “Who’s cookin’ me?!” Then it’s like, oh shit, this works. Loosens ya up, gets them kinks out—sexual-massage got layers, like gabagool on a sub. Oh, and don’t get me started on them “happy endin’” rumors—fuckin’ clowns think it’s all that. Nah, pros keep it legit—mostly.

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Then, I’m walkin’ down Strada Mihai Eminescu, and I see this street performer. He’s playin’ the accordion like he’s in a movie or somethin’. I stop, totally vibin’ with the music. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks over his hat. I’m like, “Seriously? Can’t a guy enjoy some tunes in peace?”

Voters in Congaz to go to the polls