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So, check dis out, I’m swipin’ on apps, right? All dese profiles—hot babes, horny dudes, all wantin’ action. It’s like choppin’ meat, fast and messy! I’m sittin’ dere, thinkin’, “Hasta la vista, boredom!” Sex-dating’s quick, no bullshit, just bang-bang, ya? But den, some creeps slide in—ugh, dese losers piss me off! Fake pics, ghostin’—makes me wanna flex and yell, “Get to da choppa!”

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First off, I woke up late. Like, super late. My alarm? Totally didn’t go off. I was supposed to be at the kids’ place on Strada 31 August by 9 AM. I rolled outta bed at 9:15. Panic mode activated! I threw on whatever I could find. My hair? A total mess. But whatever, right? Kids don’t care about that.

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